Mind your manners in cruise ship steam rooms.
Cruisey steam room lurkers…please mind your manners. All too often I hear gay men talk about cruises, and giggle about steam room antics.
Several years ago, my partner and I were on a Royal Caribbean ship, mainstream itinerary, with a really nice, adult-only male steam room. Problem was, it wasn’t so pleasant for most of the trip due to the incessant cruising of a fellow passenger. God knows why he booked a cabin–he should have just stowed away in the steam room as he seemed to be in there all the time…or else our schedules were strangely identical.
I was not looking for sex in the steam room, nor were most of the other men who used it during the cruise. But the cruisey guy worked it and worked it and worked it. I won’t go into details of his behavior–but there was no question why he was there. It doesn’t matter whether he was attractive or not, his behavior was the kind of thing that is not “straight friendly” or approrpriate.
Later in the cruise, he admitted that he was closeted, from a conservative midwest town, and traveling with his parents. The steam room was his entree into the gay world, and back in Kansas it could be months before he’d have freedom like this again. Well, I never saw it pay off for him…all it did was frustrate him further and bother a lot of guests who just wanted to relax and detox in the steam.
I’m no prude, and I realize that steam rooms everywhere–from hotels to gyms to cruise ships–have historically been pick-up spots. I realize that there are (sadly) closeted people…although in this age I think that’s ridiculous. I realize there are some gays who, for whatever reason, have a wife, and look for men on the side.
If that’s you–or you know someone who is a steam room lurker on mainstream cruise itineraries–please reconsider your behavior. Most of the other men–including gay men–in the facility are likely not looking for sex. Instead of sexualizing the place and potentially disturbing other guests, try just being friendly and inviting someone you find interesting to have a drink elsewhere on the ship, and work your magic from there.
We have come a long way in gaining the “gay-friendly” attitudes and respect we now find throughout the cruise industry. My partner and I act just like any couple on a ship–we hold hands, briefly kiss hello/goodbye, eat from each other’s plates, finish each other’s sentences…there’s no question we’re together. That’s the kind of “gay behavior” that is appropriate in a public area on a cruise ship.
Cruise lines welcome us, and middle-America is gradually getting used to us. I believe it’s important that gay people act in a manner that deserves and continues to earn that respect from both our fellow passengers and crews, everywhere on the ship.
Billybeachboy, 
Joe M, 
Max and 32 others are discussing.
David 12:33 pm on February 2, 2011 Permalink |
Thank you for this article and I hope it will make some men think twice about their behaivor. I feel that for others it will fall on deaf ears. I had an experience similar to yours a fews ago on a RCI ship as well. There was a guy in there constantly. I witnessed a fellow (straight) passenger question him if he lived in there. It was embarassing. He would sit in the locker room and stare at any of us. No sooner would anyone walk into the steam room and he would be in there. When I went into the steam room he was there 3 seconds later and sat right near me (in the empty room). It was creepy. My cabin mate and I nick-named him “the creep”. My cabin mate confronted him saying it was creepy and uncomfortable being stared at any time he was naked and the guy mumbled something to the effect that he was half blind and could not see much anyway. I decided to fight fire with fire after a while and stood there naked and stared at him – funny, after that he lost interest in me, so it worked.
John 12:49 pm on February 2, 2011 Permalink |
Randall; I agree, some of these folks make many straight men uncomfortable on ships and ashore in similar circumstances. It is one thing to casually cruise and see if it is returned, but another to make a pest of ones self. Especially on a ship with ready access to private spaces you should offer to take it elsewhere. On a recent mainstream cruise my partner and I found one of the mid-west closeted types who was frightened to take it to our room – afraid the wife would see him LOL. If you are that closeted, maybe you need to re-think what you are looking for out of life.
Mike 3:37 pm on February 2, 2011 Permalink |
On the other hand. I am openly gay. I tried a “gay”{ cruse. I am older and came out late. My partner died and I have been lonely for several years. My experience on the one “gay” cruise that I went on, was so bad that I swore to never try it again. I tried to be open and friendly but “being alone” was the Kiss of death. It may be the nature of the line, but all I found was partners that wanted twenks and were openly rude. It was the worst week of my life. If I wanted to be treated like shit, I would have stayed home.
Richard 7:09 pm on February 2, 2011 Permalink |
I have gone on all-gay cruises a couple of times. I also am older and single; and other passengers were often not too friendly toward me. I quite vividly recall sitting alone on the shore-excursion buses.
There were one or two people who were by themselves but told me (maybe just to put me off) that they had a partner “back home.” Well, it’s certainly not easy being single in the gay world, or being older in the gay world. So it’s worse still when you’re both.
paul 1:13 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
I agree, I came out late and it’s tough OUT there.
Alex 4:40 pm on January 14, 2012 Permalink |
Hi Mike, write me an email whenever you want! walvv@hot….
Mike 11:51 am on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
He guys… Maybe we should all book a cruise together. I have had the same experience. No one on any gay cruises want a single older man around. That is it Final and the End.
Arno 12:07 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Well, I think we all had similiar experiences. The All Gay Cruises turned into Circuit Queen Party. We had early dinner seating and we sat together with some of the oldest men on the ship and let me tell you we had the best time and laughs. One couple was 55 yrs. together, can you imagine? So I started my own cruises, 200 + gay men, their lesbian and str8 friends, on a str8 cruise. And we have the best time ever. No one will be sitting alone in busses. I’ll get them all together and make new friends. http://www.BearCruiseUSA.com check it out. Thanks guys. Arno
Daryl Seamark 2:00 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Mike\
You obviously went on the wrong cruise. I openly and heartily recommend either Arnos’s cruises or The Chumley Bear Cruise. Being an older guy myself (lets just say that this is the 2nd anniversary of me being 69) I have always had a hell of a good time on these cruises. Bears make everyone feel comfortable, or we try to. Queen, twink cruises leave me cold, but I definitely without hestiation go on either of these two cruises. Good Time Guaranteed……
Philipp' 3:16 am on February 17, 2011 Permalink |
We were on our 2nd (& last) gay cruise. There was a queue to enter the sauna! One had to wait for someone to “finish” for space to open up! And we wanted to just bake.
Rex 6:30 pm on February 2, 2011 Permalink |
Steam rooms – I love the topic. I tried to write about it once on CruiseCritic and got banned…
Anyway, my partner and I visit the steam room/sauna while on cruises. And we’re not in the steam room for sex, although if something happens, we’re not upset about it. We usually go at the same time every day (after the day’s activities and before getting ready for dinner), so we generally see the same people there every day.
One of the big reasons we can relax is that we chat with anyone who comes in, too. That immediately reduces blatant sexual tension, because it’s hard to concentrate on sexual things while talking about what you did during the day (and when everyone knows your name and that you have a wife/lover/kids back in the cabin).
I often wonder if other people think we’re “the creeps”, so I go out of my way to make sure that our behavior is acceptable.
I’ve thought about posting “steam room reviews” about the ships we’ve been on (i.e. Grand Princess is tiny, co-ed, and you have to go outside to get to it; you have to pay to get to the co-ed spa on the Oasis of the Seas; the Brilliance of the Seas men’s showers had to have been designed by a gay man), but I don’t know where to do it.
Mark 12:48 pm on June 14, 2011 Permalink |
Rex-
Actually Cruise Critic does have a thread going, although it's pretty tame. I believe the original poster of the thread gives his e-mail out (and has some interesting stories of his conquests)…the information is good and describes the spa (men – women and co-ed) of many of the cruise lines and particular ships. Try to Google "cruise ship spa" or something like that. It's a good 5 or 6 pages long. Remembering that CC can be read by minors as well as adults, they need to keep it clean; however, you can deduce what you will from the info.
Marty 8:20 pm on February 2, 2011 Permalink |
At the risk of annoying others, I thought this article was prudish and condescending…I think everything should be done in moderation…may be you may want to try and see if there’s a little action…Of course, I wouldnt “live” in the steam room myself…there are so many things to do, but I would may be check it out at different times of the day and see if anything turns up…If you’re partnered get a life..come on so you’re partnered and you have sex readily available to U.
Randall 9:43 pm on February 2, 2011 Permalink |
@Marty: opinion noted. What I’m saying is take the sex out of the public spaces. That’s all.
@mike & Richard: not sure how we went from steam rooms on mainstream cruise ships to the question of how people are treated on all-gay cruises, but interesting fodder for more conversations!
Cheers. Randall, Site Editor
Clayton 12:22 pm on February 7, 2011 Permalink |
Eventually, all of us get older, I’m in my mid-thirties. I think some of these rude guys on the all-gay cruises need to remember that they too one day will be older. Sooner or later, I can gurantee it! I believe the key is to be kind. If you are not interested there is no reason to be rude. I actually work on a cruise ship. We want friendly people not jerks. Aren’t we all human afterall?
Marty 6:03 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Amen and to that…and this editor definitely was rude, but hey it’s a free country and a free press…
Ken 1:39 am on February 8, 2011 Permalink |
Just back from a cruise where, in the company of some gay-friendly cruisers, a gay cruiser rather matter of factly announced that he found it funny that all the married guys were hanging out in the sauna for casual sex. I thought it an inappropriate comment and was embarrassed for everyone standing there. I’m no prude, and guys will be guys… but there are important public issues in the world these days, and we all represent our community in these situations.
Mike 11:58 am on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Let’s face it. Cruises are set up for couples, not singles, price of the cabin is for a double. If that is both beds seperate or together it still is for 2. Singles on any cruise (gay or straignt) is the kiss of death. Sauna or not.
jonathan 1:14 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
I wouldn’t mind a steam room review. ha! I made sure I visited the steam room on my trip. didn’t try it though til our last 3 days of our trip but i did spend time visiting steam dry and the indoor pool side lounge chairs. I was really horny during my trip but I just went to the steam rooms to chat. I actually chatted with 3 gay guys i wouldn’t have met if i was not there. It was fun and not dirty. Well except most of them showing their junk to me. but it was a public mens steam room and i didn’t want any action and too nervous! it was neat seeing the same guys.
Kevin 3:18 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
I know what you mean Mike…I went on a cruise single last year to Bermuda. I had a nice time but was also mostly alone. I tried to go up to what appeared to be single passengers but most turned out to be just couples straying from their mates temporarily. I wasn’t looking for gay or straight, just someone to share good times with. very hard to do. But…and this is a big but…I am gonna venture forth again.
My partner of 9 yrs died recently and I am pretty lonely …so I have always enjoyed NCL freestyle cruising with him, for lotsa reasons. The new EPIC has recently launched and She has 128 solo cabins, with a private solo lounge and solo cruise host. This sounds awsome. I am bound to see at least 128 solos on board and meet a good chunk of them and not be so alone. gay str8 no biggie, but if I do the Math 10% of 128 is 12.8 so who knows???? LOL I am leaving 3 weeks from today to hit Miami and the cruise.
Gotta get back up on that horse.
Nice chatting with you all.
Kev
Robert 12:20 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
please dont judge
you are a partnered gay man who has sex readily available to you, and not a closeted midwestern out of towner travelling with his parents.
If you dont like it.. use your voice.. say.. no thank you.. he will stop
I dont need anyone to tell me what is appropriate “gay behaviour” is
There is public sex everywhere .. gay AND straight. some people think its Hot
Peter 2:45 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Robert. I am a gay man in my late 40′s and have been out since my college years. I would never judge another persons personal situation as everyone is different. What I do know is that in today’s age here in the U.S. there is no reason to be in the closet. I’m an avid traveler both on land and at sea and trust me…I’ve met my share of men. I have to say that I do agree with Randall. If the hormones hit…take it somewhere private or visit a bath house at a local port. Nothing wrong with a little flirting in the Steam Room but I always try to remember that this is a very public space. Peter
Randall Shirley 6:46 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Robert: of course SOME people think it’s hot. But then you start drilling down to people’s versions of “hot” and “not hot.” Anyway, this thread has been nothing if not fascinating…and I stand my ground on everything that I’ve written. Fully flummoxed that some folks seem to see it as prudish or rude. Just reiterating common decency, IMHO.
Hal 12:40 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
A lot depends on a person’s personality. I am a gay man in my mid 70s, who always travel alone, and have the BEST time. The cruises that I go on are usually 7 days or 10 days. In fact, I am looking forward to my 14th cruise with Holland America (10 days) in a few months. I meet and chat with both gay and straight people. It has not been a problem. I often meet other gay guys on cruises through this website. While I do use the gym, I rarely use the sauna, because it is not always in the locker room. I NEVER go on gay cruises; they are always mainstream. I don’t go to any of the “gay” cocktail parties, but still enjoy my cruises.
Bob 2:29 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Way to go, Hal!
Pete 3:05 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Royal Caribbean–at least Allure of the Seas–has figured out a way to keep people out of the sauna and steam. They charge $30 PER DAY to use it. And they made it co-ed. I will never go on another RC cruise and will never pay to use this amenity that is routine and gratis on every one of the other 12 ships I have been on.
Rex 6:41 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
I was wondering about whether they would “fix” that problem from the Oasis: it, too, does not even have a changing room for the gym, let alone showers/sauna/steam room.
I’d forgot to mention earlier that the showers in the gym locker rooms are a huge reason to go there: they’re more spacious than the shower in your room; there’s no cloth curtain sticking to your butt every two seconds; and the shower steam doesn’t fog up the mirror. So the Oasis/Allure not having “gym showers” is actually a real issue. (We’ve also run into men showering/shaving in the gym locker room because their wives are in their bathrooms for 45 minutes, and it’s quicker/easier to go to the gym to get ready for dinner.)
BTW – it’s pretty easy to request a free pass for a port day to the “luxury spa” – we’ve done it a couple of times.
Randall Shirley 6:42 pm on February 16, 2011 Permalink |
Love that suggestion on “port day” spa passes
Brian 6:27 pm on May 25, 2011 Permalink |
Although the Oasis/Allure charge for their co-ed facilities, the Freedom, Voyager, and Radiance classes do not and their steam/sauna are in respective locker rooms. We enjoy a nice steam after a workout. It’s part of our daily routine. Hesitant about booking Allure or Oasis, but we sail a lot on RCI and love the facilities. Check out other ships. Voyager class is perfect!!
Philipp' 3:33 am on February 17, 2011 Permalink |
We were on a non-gay cruise, and a German gay guy trolled the steam room. He maintained he had “lots of success” with the hetero men. We found the behavior a little off-putting, as being seen with him might arouse “guilt by association”. We did see it as not our problem, and figured the ship would handle it …. or not!
Mike 6:15 am on March 3, 2011 Permalink |
Randall, I offer a BIG thumbs-up on the contents of your post.
django 10:17 am on April 21, 2011 Permalink |
anybody can tell me how much it is too use the sauna/steamroom on adv of the seas?
Brian 6:29 pm on May 25, 2011 Permalink |
No charge. Not co-ed. Great steam room. Our favorite ship!!!
joe 8:39 am on April 27, 2011 Permalink |
just came back from cruise on Emerald Princess, the gay dancers from the shows would come and use the steam/saunas that were for the guest.
Paul 11:28 am on June 27, 2011 Permalink |
Am a married man whose wife takes forever in the bathroom getting ready. So on a recent cruise I went to use the locker room to shave shower and dress. Decided to steam first and was amazed that there were five guys in there having oral sex and masturbating. Went back each day, same guys in there. I never participated but it was pretty erotic watching.
Scott 4:19 am on July 1, 2011 Permalink |
Not necessarily referring to the instances mentioned above, but it’s Interesting that people think someone is “there all the time” but don’t consider themselves as such when they are both there at the same times. I wonder if, from his view, YOU were the one who was there all the time.
Jay 9:56 am on January 14, 2012 Permalink |
Hi All: just got back from RC Enchantment of the Seas. No Sauna. No Steamroom. I was truly disappointed that RC removed those amenities to expand their Spa rooms. Do not travel on Enchantment. Also showing its’ age.
Mark 4:27 am on January 31, 2012 Permalink |
I use the sauna and steam room on every cruise ship that has them. I usually go in the morning and then in the afternoon early evening and go for a couple of hours each time, I have a routine sauna, then steam then shower and do it each time, I do all naked. Americans are uptight about being naked around other people, that is why i love going to Europe or Japan. I have seen it all in the sauna and steam room, from guys asking me to go back to their room, to almost circle jerks in the dry sauna to other things as well. I had a young Scottish guy tell me that he was on holiday with his family for three weeks he even introduced me to his friends who were traveling with them all, when they left he proceeded to tell me that he wears a kilt as formal wear to dinner with nothing on underneath, I am like OK. He ask me blatantly if we could go to my room to have sex I declined but I was not put off by it at all. I still went to the steam room and sauna and if we was there we chatted no big deal. But I think I might be different than other things like that do not bother me at all. Usually I am in my own space when I go in there to relax and detox.
Patrick 12:05 pm on February 20, 2012 Permalink |
I am about to embark on the NCL Epic. I was wondering if the steam room is “behaved” or what the costs are. I never get to use this feature anywhere else in my life, so I was looking forward to checking it out….
Randall 12:45 pm on February 20, 2012 Permalink |
Hey Patrick — In my experience, it’s very hard to know what the steam room situation on any ship will be like–mostly becasue every cruise differs based on who the other passengers are. It also varies depending on the layout/access to the steam and spa areas. On some of my cruises, the steam room has been completely separate from the spa, for men-only, and free. On others, its been part of the spa. Find this out right away.
I’d advise you get on board and head for the spa. They will likely be open for tours during the embarkation time, and likely offering specials and deals to get you to buy a pass for the full cruise.
My suggestion: if you like the look and feel of the facilities and will USE them regardless of whether other gay men are hanging out there or not, then buy the pass. My partner and I have done this, and totally enjoyed the experience–we used it every day on our Mexico cruise last March–and the facilities were co-ed. That was NOT a particularly cruisey steam room when we were around, although there were PLENTY of gay men using it.
Please report back here on your experience after your upcoming cruise, and bon voyage!
Max 8:40 pm on April 1, 2012 Permalink |
Max wonders what you found on The Epic, Patrick. He is booked on it early in May and has been told there is a charge but is unsure if it is all male or co-ed. Thanks for ANY info you can supply! “Hot and Juicy” personal tidbits would be OK too! M.
Max 10:16 pm on March 14, 2012 Permalink |
Hey … VERY interesting discussion. I think Randall’s points were excellent … but I do enjoy a nice steam and if some sexual opportunities come my way I am not going to be shy … but WILL act appropriately. I have gone back to a cabin … or slipped into a private shower stall … but I have had action on the spot too BEING SURE others are not around who will be offended. I am disappointed by the number of great ships that are turning their saunas and steams into a money generating spa venture. The co-ed spas are total crap. The sauna and steam on the MSC Poesia were stunningly beautiful (free in NA waters and pricey in Europe) but poorly laid out with poor signage and I found naken Japanese women in the men’s steam and naked couples in the men’s sauna and glass doors allowed pretty much everyone to see everyone nude … but it was great never-the-less! The entire spa area waslike something out of a Sultan’s Palace! Oh those Europeans are not prudish!
WW 6:04 am on March 23, 2012 Permalink |
I liked the article until the comment about how you think it’s ridiculous that people are still closeted. I guess you don’t realize that there are still places in America where a gay man would be lynched for being out. Not hitting on guys or dressing in drag, but simply because he’s gay. What’s ridiculous is your flippant attitude towards the gay men and women in this country who don’t live in an area where being out is an option. And it’s also flippant because some people aren’t strong enough emotionally to come out and deal with the wrath of a right winged family. I went through hell and back when i came out to my family and I know how hard it can be. It’s nice that you and your partner have such a great life and are so comfortable with who you are and your relationship. But it doesn’t give you the right to call people who are not out “ridiculous.” Do i condone the steam room cruisers behavior? Not by any means, but I do sympathize with him. I met a very attractive man on a business trip. He told me how closeted he was. How he tried for so many years to suppress being gay because in his town down south and in his family it just wasn’t an option. He is trying to save his money so he can at the least move to a gay friendlier part of the country, but said if he came out his father would probably beat him within an inch of his life. Being in the closet is unfortunate, but it’s not ridiculous. And with politicians like Santorum, Gingrich, Romney, Bachman, Palin and others, who are running very openly homophobic platforms, they are scaring some people from coming out. IT would be behoove you to be more compassionate to the members of our community who don’t have the luxury to come out or are still coming to terms with their sexuality. We all come out in our time, when we’re ready, when we’re sure of what we’re doing. And no part of that journey is “ridiculous.”
Randall 10:30 am on March 23, 2012 Permalink |
Hi WW. Your point is well made. “Unnecessary” would be a better word choice.
I will stand by my personal belief that there is no need to be closeted today, certainly not in America, Canada, or most of the Western world. Gay men and women have an abundance of options including the option of moving to more-accepting communities, staying put and fighting for their rights, and yes staying closeted. The steps an individual takes to claim his/her rights as a gay person are up to them.
Yes, I choose to live in a metropolitan area where gays are generally treated as equals, and where I am comfortably open about who I am. And I am aware that there are places even in North America where I am less-likely to volunteer information about my orientation. I grew up in one of them, and came from a very right-wing, religious background. But I eventually decided that rather than giving my family and community the non-right to keep me closeted, I would give them the right to accept or reject me. It has taken time, and some of them still likely believe I’m going to hell, but honesty has been my best policy.
Happy cruising.
Joe M 11:41 pm on April 11, 2012 Permalink |
Nicely said. Me and my partner and our son that will be 10 soon do not want to go into steam rooms with lurker either. Our son that is 10 tells us that in school many if not all the people at his school are cool with gay people. So you are right in this day and age the closet has been closed for at least 20 years!!!!
Billybeachboy 12:21 pm on April 15, 2012 Permalink |
Not long back from a week on Crown Princess. The male sauna & steam area was on all of my visits very quiet. One married old man (75ish) from Dallas thought it acceptable to have an erection in full view of all who used the facility & requested I removed my towel so he could see my [manhood*]. I usually sit naked in saunas but found his behaviour totally unacceptable & told him that he should take lessons in discretion! I’m not against having fun in a sauna, but discretion & respect for other users is paramount. Men like this give all gay men a bad reputation.
*Ed note: please do not use profanity when commenting on the site. “Manhood” is the site editor’s word. Thanks!